Tuesday, February 08, 2005

Cologne: Territory Marker or Lazy Man’s Shower?

Cologne is a curious liquid, much like gasoline. Both smell interesting, but taste awful. At first I thought the bottle was to be used for marking territory. This seemed brilliant. Elk usually rub their chins on saplings to mark their territory. The little spray bottle is certainly easier on the chin. I knew bulls (male elk) who had harems of up to 60 cows (female elk). I figured with the cologne bottle -- in a crowded area -- I could mark 60 females in just minutes! That’s when I got into trouble and learned it was meant to be used on myself. To smell good. The judge said I’m not allowed to say anything more about it.

This cologne is confusing. Isn’t soap the thing people use to smell good? I like the feeling of cool stream waters rushing against my body, stripping away the muck and filth (unless a floater gets in the way). Using soap makes it even better. But with cologne, I could just spray it on and cover up any stinky smells. Easy, but lazy.

However, I’ve noticed that by spraying a hefty portion all over my body, people stay away from me. Too much pleasant smell becomes unpleasant. Sometimes this is good for privacy. Or when I’m on a crowded train and there’s no place to sit, people will move to get away from my strong scent. Then I get a seat. I guess cologne is a clever way to be like a skunk. A less-foul skunk.


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