An Open Letter to the Inventor of Glue

Dear person who made glue:

As a youth, the only adhesives I had access to were natural. There were many times I wished to leave a message for my elk family and sought a better option than what I discovered in my nose. But whatever my finger found in the northern region of my nostrils was the best I could do.

Here, in the city, I’ve been enjoying wondrous alternatives, like glue. Glue is similar to what I produce in my nose and penis (I only discovered that option after my voice got deep), but it comes in a bottle and requires little work to extract it, even though squeezing the bottle is less pleasurable than making it myself. Still, when you’re in a pinch, glue is quick and very handy. Do you make glue the same way I do?

I’ve made many fantastic pieces of art using macaroni, colorful paper, and glitter. I was able to mail some of the art home to the woods, though my elk family doesn’t really appreciate art of any sort. Still, it spruces up the place. I’ve also amused myself by pouring the super version of glue on subway car seats and on the ears of loud cell phone talkers (they got mad though).

In my research, I’ve found that glue enables creativity amongst children, holds posters up on construction sites, keeps stamps on letters, and keeps filthy mouths shut.

I wish to thank for making such adhesives adventures possible. Thank you for the glory of glue.

Also, how do you make so much of it?